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Don’t Fear the Cat Pose

November 11, 2010

This post would be much funnier if I still had the chance to go back to yoga today, but unfortunately I have a directing scene rehearsal which conflicts, so I’ll have to face whatever comes next at a later date.

Also, I’d like to apologize for the overdramatic drivel of the last two posts. I have a therapist to complain to now instead of me abusing the internet like a thirteen year old girl who still hasn’t gotten Justin Bieber to love her via Myspace. On with the show!

Since coming to college, I have taken up yoga. It is good in that it helps me focus and calm down as well as stretch, become more limber, and, ultimately, sexify myself. I’m still a work in progress. Being such, sometimes I do the poses wrong, but usually it is ok because I have a group of friends that surround me so no one really sees. The only time it was ever really an issue was when the instructor (who was Trish at the time. Since then she got cancer and so we have a new instructor) started correcting my form and using me as an example for everyone else. Embarrassing as it might have been, that one practice helped a ton.

And here I am about twelve weeks in and my heels can almost touch the ground in downward-dog. Work in progress, people.

So Tuesday I head over to yoga, a little earlier than I usually go, and I see before me three guys who I had never seen at yoga before. The three of them were altogether different, so let me try to describe them as best I can. The first of them was a little taller than me and also slimmer and more toned than me (screw soccer players…. who needs ’em?), the second was about the same height, but a little more rotund, but the one that caught my eye the most was at least 6′ 2″, built with muscle everywhere, blond, and a stern yet pretty face. Mesmerized by this, I walked in with my yoga mat and set up right behind them, not noticing the fact I was all alone. It seems all my friends forgot about yoga except me. So there I was. All alone, I had set up my mat behind enemy lines feeling more insecure about my body and yoga abilities than ever, and all I could do was look down or else I’d catch myself staring at the Greek god before me.

As we started, I realized that having muscles for miles does absolutely nothing for your flexibility because Hercules in front of me could barely reach to his shins in forward fold. So this kid (as in me) was validated that even though I am more Pillsbury Dough Boy than Michelangelo’s David, I still could put my palms on the floor.

And just when I thought I was out of the woods, disaster struck. Fear spread across my face like a wildfire and I rocketed into self evaluation mode.

Our yoga instructor called out ‘Cat Pose’.

How 'Cat Pose' should be done...

For those of you who don’t know (that would be two of my three readers), cat pose is tricky and compromising not only because I’ve seen Britney use it quite frequently in her music videos, but also because I’m pretty sure it is named after the motions of a cat in heat. It starts out innocent enough, while breathing out on hands and knees, you lift and arch your spine, bring head down and pelvis forward. If that was the end of it, I’d have no troubles, but that’s only half the battle. Then, as you inhale, push pelvis out and back, arch spine downwards, pull chest up, and repeat. This motion is supposed to loosen the lower back and do some other stuff, but to me it looks highly sexually suggestive. And, to my chagrin, so did Herc.

As I began, I just closed my eyes, and started doing it, hoping that he wouldn’t assume anything was directed towards him, because honestly it wasn’t, but I get paranoid about these sorts of things in times of self-consciousness. What made it worse is that in one of my inhales, I opened my eyes. Because everyone did this on at their own pace, he was doing the exhale portion. I must admit that because my  previous exhale was so deep, my inhale made a slight sound, so at the very same moment I opened my eyes, he looked at me from between his legs in confusion, and my face flushed red.

Don’t you just hate it when your body betrays you? In all honesty, I had done nothing wrong. I was doing the pose that was called out. But because of the timing and the noise and my looking down, I freaked. Herc probably thinks now that I was checking his ass out the whole time and was overcome with… I don’t know, something, to which I elicited the noise. Or maybe not and I’m reading too much into it. All I know is that I was highly embarrassed.

I was going to go back today to hold my group and keep my pride, but sitting this round out, I’ll have my tail between my legs. Next Tuesday should be better.

Stay Tuned,


One Comment leave one →
  1. Alex permalink
    November 11, 2010 6:48 pm

    I literally lol’ed at this. I love you so much. I’m sure he thought nothing of it.

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