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Air Like Prozac

January 29, 2011

Xenophobia KILLS, people!

It’s about time we spread some awareness about this.

So it has been a while since I checked in, and I know my only two readers are just bursting to know how I feel about events of late.

If I was in the 7th grade still, I’d say I feel somewhere along the lines of being a peasant pre-French Revolution. Or even during. Well, now that I think about it, I think ‘French’ could easily stand alone and sum it all up…

But because I’m a grown up adult, I’m choosing to keep my head up. I have always been adamant against validating myself/my happiness on the basis of others or events beyond my control. My happiness and self worth, according to my mantra, must find themselves deep in me, and from me they should spring and flow. This week has been a long one, full many with unfortunate circum- and happen- stances. Today, looking back at how I dealt with them, I find I have much room for improvement. Let’s start at the beginning.

One common malady has been stress over work. Nothing new, just still annoying. Especially when one professor is the heir apparent to Professor Binns of Hogwarts. He asked in all legitimacy if we were ok with reading 165 pages of this biography of Thomas Jefferson. As I wanted to cry out, “No, none of us like reading this, none of actually have been reading this, nor will we start”, I knew I had to just smile and nod, pretending to look interested and engaged. I learned that from my mom. I also have been getting up crazy early to work out, on top of picking up work hours for practicum and work study, so this week may have been more stressful just on the basis that my schedule went into shock after it’s free-timectamy. (WordPress recognizes the word ‘free-timectamy’ but not ‘WordPress’…..the more you know *shooting star*)

Also, I have been upset by jealousy and intimidation and spite over a new addition to our class. I know I’m being ridiculous, I’m slowly getting over it. But I’m not crazy. I just have mild xenophobia. I fear it might consume me like my quest to destroy the Ring of Power. So I’m working on it.

And, to sum it all up, I just got an email from the woman at the study abroad office essentially letting me know that they wouldn’t fund my study abroad aspirations in Ireland. Which I’m still down about, but I recognize there is nothing I can do to change it, and I just have to let it go. Lesson: don’t count your chickens before they hatch, or if you do, kill anyone who might stand in the way.

The above events, as well as others, have been slowly chipping away I feel at my chipper nature. So right here and right now, I’m reclaiming the fun and fancy-free T. No more letting things get to me. I am letting these outside events govern my stars. My most recent events too have shown the light dimming in their words. But I’m bringing in a mothertrucking beacon light to brighten the mood. One thing that’s helped with this is Pandora. The Regina Spektor channel is probably the best thing that I’ve found online all semester. While it lets me connect with things emotionally in my room where I can get it all out, it leaves me minty-fresh when I go out in the world. Which is for the best of most everyone.

My new visualization of the world stems from the new yoga teacher. She tells us that every inhale brings in good things, every exhale banishes the bad. So I’m going to pretend that every time  I inhale the air it is really a gaseous form of Prozac. The hap-hap-happy is bac-bac-backy.

Stay Tuned,

~T

P.S. If you get the chance, watch P!nk’s new video for her song ‘F***** Perfect’. It deals with this, just on a more extreme level. And it may or may not have made me cry.

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