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Love Machine

February 10, 2011

Humans aren’t designed to be as productive as I have been this past week. As all two of my readers probably guessed by my lack of postage and tweets, I’ve been mega busy keeping up with work and homework and the like.

The sad part is that I still don’t do all of it.

So before I plow forward onto a new exposé of my life, I’d like to say that the stuff I was working through during my last post has been worked through. More correctly it has been picked apart and buried, where we now await for the zombified halftime show of it’s revival, where it wreaks havoc during the second half of the game. Wait. That was on Glee…

So now, as I try to read a hundred pages on Lincoln’s life before he became a lawyer and pick apart the mechanics of 20th century political science, I have something even more stressful and confusing to deal with:

A boyfriend.

I have to say that in all of my Myspace poems and diary entries and emo blog posts, I never once captured what it would actually feel like to have a boyfriend. My life isn’t all of a sudden complete and perfect. I still have a shit ton of work to do. I haven’t stopped slacking off in school or with fitness or anything. My money problems haven’t evaporated (yes, once I wrote about how love makes money appear. Sue me, it was seventh grade). I feel if anything my problems are magnified because of it. I spend so much time wanting to be with him that I slack off more. I want to spend money on him, so my dwindling funds seem smaller. Because I expected perfection, imperfection is in turn amplified.

At what point does this become Once Upon a Dream?

Well, now that I’ve proven I’m an ungrateful reprobate, let me examine the ways in which my life has improved. Well, I have a boyfriend. That should not appear to the courts anything less than what it is. Which means I don’t have to chase after anyone for a while, so check plus. Things like this come once a millennia, so I should do my best to not mess it up.

Wait. Hold the phone. What am I even doing? Dissecting it in this way is messing it up. Case in point: my calculations and expectations for what this would be like might be incorrect, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t still awesomely great and that I’m not happy. I was foolish to think that finding a boyfriend would solve all my problems, I’ll always have problems. But I’m even more foolish if I let that reality get in the way of how I feel and how good this is. I mean, I don’t have much material to cross-reference, but to me it feels real good.

So if in the end Maleficent wins, why not. She is magical and stable. Two things that Phillip (who rides around the woods and preys on 16 year old girls) fails to bring to the table.

This season, horns are totally in and pedos are totally out. And tied up.

Stay Tuned. Valentine’s is coming up. I’ll keep you updated.


2 Comments leave one →
  1. Alex permalink
    February 11, 2011 4:40 pm

    You’re such a downer, Thort…

  2. Josh G. permalink
    February 12, 2011 1:46 pm

    Totally disagree, Alex! This made me smile big time 😀

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