Skip to content

The Troll Bar

September 4, 2011

I figured out a lot of things this summer. Three isn’t quite as magical a number as Britney makes it seem and LEGO Harry Potter: Years 5-7 comes out this holiday season. I also figured out what I’m going to do, should acting and politics fall through.

I’ll open the Troll Bar.

I forget if I have talked about it on here previously, I know sometimes in real life I’ll mention it and expect everyone to understand what I mean, but instead I’m met with looks similar to those given to Carrie (from the 1976 classic Carrie, starring Sissy Spacek). But this summer when I threw some really low-key classy soirees at my house I workshopped an idea for a bar that I think will become real popular. It all started when a friend of mind scared me one night because she reminded me of the goblin from The Princess and the Goblin. As we were walking somewhere (to be honest I can hardly recall anything about it, this is just how I think it could have happened in my mind), I saw her shadow shoot out in front of me, and in my state the shape and physicality of it ruled out being a human. And since I couldn’t remember the word goblin at the time either, the term “troll” was born. Since then, whenever she does anything lazy or gross or really funny, I call her a troll. It is a term of endearment for me and I had the most fun this past summer when either she or my self or any of our friends was acting like a troll.

Troll Chic

Back to the small gatherings this summer: I transformed my kitchen into the Troll Bar, and for two weeks it was the coolest place in the world. We served great drinks, great food, and a great atmosphere. At the time, it was just a really fun thing to do at my house while my parents were gone. Now, I kinda actually want to do it. Good idea yes? Let me run some of our drink/entree ideas past you all for input.

But before I begin, everything made at the Troll Bar was a stroke of inspiration. No recipes were followed or written during the creation of these items, nor will anything at the real Troll Bar.


  • The Chili Sandwich – This classic Troll Bar original was the start of it all. Two pieces of fresh bought white bread lathered with canned chili and velveeta cheese microwaved to perfection.
  • Troll Sludge –  Another Troll Bar classic, this is a perfect mixture of bacon-bits macaroni and cheese, chili, and beef ravioli, heated on our professional stovetop ovens.
  • Green Chicken – For those Troll Bar patrons who like things a little south of the border, our green chicken is white meat breaded chicken patties baked to perfection and coated with green jalapeno Tabasco sauce. Served with a side of spanish rice.
  • Southern Steak – Maybe you like things south, but not quite as much as the green chicken. Our southern steak is a chicken-friend steak patty baked to perfection and coated with A-1 steak sauce. Also served with spanish rice.
  • Texas Chicken n’ Rice – Our latest addition to the Troll Bar menu, this dish is the most popular. Stir-fried chicken marinated in black bean and corn salsa, mixed with corn and other vegetables, dashes of jalapeno and banana peppers all mixed in a batch of spanish rice
  • Troll Bar Margarita – The Troll Bar’s most beloved and famous drink, a perfect (and strong) margarita using the super-secret house recipe.
  • Limarita – This profound drink was inspired by not having the right ingredients for the above, but it is still delicious and at a reduced price!
  • Facepalm – An alluring and interesting drink that gets in your face. Contains brandy and coke.
  • Thunder Whiskey Tea – This totally intentional combination of rum tea, whiskey, and Dr. Thunder doesn’t taste 100% awful and gets the job done.
So to be honest, all of these were actually made by me or one of the other Troll Bar executives. Why? It was all that we had in our respective houses, and to us cooking is an adventure. They might look disgusting, but they tasted ok in the end and we had a ton of fun making it all. And that is what the Troll Bar is all about: having fun while just trying to get by with your friends. So! Our tentative opening date is third quarter of 2020. City has yet to be determined. But until then I’ll be compiling all the dishes and drinks the Troll Bar puts out.

Trollz Forever!


One Comment leave one →
  1. Alex permalink
    September 7, 2011 8:48 am

    Goodness I love you.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: