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July 10, 2011

My grandma comes over to the house occasionally to hang out with us and fall asleep in our comfy chairs, but today she is watching the entire last season of American Idol on our DVR and skipping everything unless it is Scotty. Wtf has life come to?

My grandma fan-girling aside, today’s mission: Scottish accent.

So, as return readers know I’m in this lil’ dog and pony show called Salado Legends, an awful beautiful tale of the small town’s historical importance and inception. I play Andrew, the main guy and central Texas teenage heartthrob. Or at least that’s how I am envisioning him. Anyways, in the show, I am a fresh immigrant from Scotland who arrived in Galveston, TX, and sought out Salado: the Athens of Texas. Yeah, I think poor Andrew got his facts messed up. Because, not only did he probably pay more to land at Galveston than if he had landed in New York, but he also decides to fight in the Civil War…for the Confederacy. Yep. Shortly after arriving in America and knowing close to nothing about the Constitution or anything, he decides that the Union isn’t worth it and Texas rises supreme. Anyways, he falls in love with a girl at school but they waltz and get in trouble because of how raunchy we all know waltzing is and he returns from the war to her loving arms and live happily ever after in Salado, Texas. Oh yeah, spoiler. And this is how I’m spending my summer. I put myself through it for the money. Feeding the capitalist machine. (Emma: NOOOOOOOO!!!)

I’ve been looking for some historical photo of Salado to use, but apparently the Athens of Texas had yet to figure out cameras. So enjoy this:

Our set, which also doubles as the set for 'A Christmas Carol'

Something that the director has asked me to try to do this year, along with the horrid dances and archaic political ideas, is a realistic Scottish accent. Makes sense. The character is fresh from the boat, so his speech should also be. But as I sit and try to diagram my lines according to IPA and stretch out my mouth, I am filled with a ton of apathy. Why should I put forth leaps and bounds more effort than most of the rest of the cast combined? There are those in the show with me who are my friends who actually show up on time and try to get work done at rehearsal in the time it is scheduled to be done and they’re great. But the other day, rehearsal started an hour late. Yesterday, not only did we waste an hour mindlessly filling time with walkthroughs and talk, but over half the people didn’t show up. Their conflicts? I didn’t have a ride. I had a motorcycle convention. I don’t know how to tie my shoe.

The most frustrating part of it all is that most of these people have been in it since Salado was first founded, so you’d think they’d understand the concept of a grapevine by now. It is shocking how many people do the show every year and manage to never really improve. And from an outsider perspective, it is a little daunting. Is this how it feels when you step into a running show in the real world? Like you are full of creative energy, but because the show existed well before you, you can’t change anything and no one else puts as much effort into rehearsals? I understand this is nowhere near a professional level on any sort of scale. But I am finding it harder each rehearsal to try or really, even show up, because no one else seems to. But I can’t change that. All I can do is my best and try this Scottish accent. So in the meantime I’ll fan-boy all over John Barrowman and Jams McAvoy, but mostly John Barrowman:

It’s all for the show, people.

Stay Tuned,




No Speak Americano

July 8, 2011

I’ve written like three different openings to this post but none of them have been good enough. So I apologize as I just jump right to the chase. I also apologize for not posting much. To be honest nothing really exciting has happened that made me think to update, so this might also be a little jumpy.

Last Saturday I ran a 5k with my manager at Nami. I did it in 26:53, so not bad, but certainly not my best. I was confident that it would propel me to continue on exercising and the like and kicking off my fit summer again, but here I sit on my couch. It has been almost a week and I haven’t done anything really. But I’m supposed to run one tomorrow, again with my boss. This one costs money, and so I’m not so sure I’ll do it…I need to save my money!

Speaking of money, I picked up my grandma from the local senior center today when she was done quilting and she pointed out to me that I have little over a month of summer left….like, wut? I was supposed to make majah bank this summer. I haven’t counted all my earnings yet, but I’m pretty sure it is under 1,000. So. I gotta hustle hard. And make a ton of tips. And while I’m talking about tips, let me tell you all something. Because I’m expected to make like, at least 15% tips, they don’t pay me minimum wage. Like, I get like $2.85 an hour. So if you come to my restaurant and you tip nothing, I will hunt you down and kill you. I’m serious. And yes, I’m talking to you, Mr. Cowpoke who ordered $95 of sushi and tipped $3. You will be my first horcrux. I’ll place that part of my soul into a thing of soy sauce so you can think about what you have done for all of eternity.

Work has been nice. I’ve gotten a lot better at it and I haven’t been stressing as much. My coworkers, while occasionally crazy, are really fun and easy to work with. Although, sometimes I feel like I’m speaking a whole other language  completely. I mean, it’s not just around them and not just because they speak Korean. One of the most fascinating things I have found about being immersed into a new group of people is how their vernacular is shaped, and how they interact. In the beginning stages I can usually fly under the radar and not have to worry about things, but after I get used to things, figuring out how to assimilate my usual way of being into the new environment is a little awkward. I think I have moved past the awkwardness with my coworkers, but it definitely existed and still does to a certain extent. But I suppose this is good preparation for when I go to Harlaxton because then I might be in situations where the people actually don’t speak English. So I guess it is time for me to become fluent in body language.

Sexy can I...?

Sexy can I...?

Also: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Pt. 2 is less than a week away. I’m already exploding with tears.

Stay Tuned!


Employees MUST Wash Hands; Not Customers

June 20, 2011

Before I get started, some items of business:

My pictures from NYC over spring break have finally been developed, but of course I have no idea where they are anymore. Dad said he’d pick them up but I forgot about it and I haven’t seen them, so all roads lead to their demise at the abandoned pictures counter of Walmart.

And then tomorrow my friend Mikah Young’s debut single goes on sale in the United States on iTunes. Tomorrow I’ll have a post all about her, so look forward to that.

Ok! Well, on with it!

I’m afraid this post might be similar to other equally as jumpy and not fluid. I have two big topics I wanna cover, so I’ll do my best to weave them together, but just a warning if it isn’t.

I got a real job! At a real place!

Making use of my degree in food services acting

I was thankfully offered a sweet gig at this local Japanese food place and last week I started my training. Where usually I hate the first day of everything because I don’t know what the hell I’m doing, I was eager to show and do my best. It should be known that I’m a lazy-ass when it comes to things I don’t care for, but right now I’ll do anything that delivers me from Cutco. Nami is my Moses, parting the Paring Knife Sea and leading me towards the Promised Land Sushi Bar.

Never again will I deride that little box on job applications that asks if you can stand for long periods of time. I’m relatively young and relatively less healthy, but it was hard! I came home from my first shift and my feet were beat. Thank goodness I put my name on that foot massager my dad bought my mom last Christmas so I could use it. Also: I will never laugh at waiters dropping things anymore. On my very second day, I was among them. It looked sortof like this:

Ok, not really. But being my second day on the job, it felt a whole lot like it. What really happened was a clear example of Karmic Physics. The lady I was shadowing was worried I wouldn’t be able to carry all five waters on one tray on one hand over to the table across the room. HAH! What does she know, anyways? I mean, I’m training at a prestigious acting school to hopefully earn my degree in cater waiting acting which involves dance which involves balancing of course, and maybe her tiny-Korean-woman arm couldn’t handle it, but my slightly average beefy biceps and triceps would make it no problem. But no matter how big your biceps are, they will always fall victim to Murphy’s Law. If it can go wrong, it did, and after successfully placing two waters on the table, the remaining two on the tray Kamikaze-d in a frigid waterfall between two patrons (thankfully not on). But my alarm at those crazy glasses made me forget my hand was holding the fifth glass and released it, dropping it onto the table, slightly capsizing it and having water flow over the top. Horrified, I retreated and got a towel while my shadowee(?) apologized for me and explaining I was new which made me feel just LOADS better. And of course that was my last day of training for the week, so I walked away from this new experience thankful it was delivering me from Cutco, but wondering if I was delivered into some new sort of under-cooked hell.

So I went into this weekend considerably down for a variety of reasons. I went to ATX on Friday with my friend, and while the cupcake man was noticeably beefy and delicious (the cupcake was good too), the bright weather was not reflected in my mood. Talking to her about all my junk was good to get it off my chest and to realize that she had similar junk, it just reinforced my blahhness over the fact that the junk exists anyways. So I talked with my mom about it over breakfast tacos yesterday and I forget the details, but I’m pretty sure out conclusion was something along the lines of taking it a day at a time. After we returned home I was about to sit down with HP7 and a tall glass of chocolate milk when we received an invitation to go over to our friends’ pool for a late night party. I was originally against it because I am lazy and Harry, Ron, and Hermione were stuck inside the Ministry, but I agreed.

It ended up being a blast. After four three margaritas I was feeling good and confident for our tri-family water volleyball tournament. Our first roster was myself and both my parents. Our first opponents were ruthless. It turned into this:

And instead of Ben Stiller, it was the other team, and instead of the girl, it was me. And instead of just once it was over and over again. But there was no blood except the bad blood brewing in my psyche. But we pulled out victory despite injury and ended up winning the Gold.

Got my gold medal, y'all...peace

And besides winning, I had a really good time just being with my family and friends. I think I’ve learned that finding happiness is a lot easier when it can be anywhere. We had great snacks and drinks that we made ourselves and it didn’t matter that I was in Texas or that people are writing racism and hate into our legislation. That pool was my own form of paradise away from everything and it was good.

So taking it one day at a time, Saturday was good. Today I didn’t do a thing so it was AWESOME, and tomorrow I’m skipping a business meeting to do more nothing. Then Tuesday I return to training.

Stay tuned!


Pursuit of Cudi-ness

June 12, 2011

I have just returned from a spiritual awakening.

Since I go to a fancy-schmancy overpriced university, my department draws a lot of attention nation-wide. I have classmates in almost every state, and on an almost annoying level, over half of them are from Texas. So what do we do when we miss each other over the summer? Hang out all weekend and go tubing down the river and make memories that I’ll never forget.

Well…. almost never forget…..

…..well, did forget…..

But I think from all my years playing clue, even though there were no witnesses, I can deduce what happened….

It was Conchita in the kitchen with the housewife wig.

One thing I know for sure is I went all the way to the moon. I had to ride the bus a lot to make it to the space center, but I got on the shuttle and flew right for the moon. And even though the deer may have surrounded us and tried to maim us, no one could touch us.

Every form of pizza was involved. Pizza rolls, just plain pizzas, delivery pizza. Over three days, all my stomach was full with (and I in no way mean to diminish the amount that I ate with that phrasing. I ate enough for three fasting protestors’ dream meals to be fulfilled) was lots and lots of pizza. Writing this, I am burping pepperoni. (not really)

I was surrounded by friends and random animals for four days straight and I have nothing to complain about. My only criticism is that real life is nothing like it. I’m still figuring out what all I want from life, but right now nothing sounds better than to be riverside with a cooler full of beer and Tonks full of veggies, sharing it all with friends for the rest of eternity.

I wouldn’t have written a post so full of inside references normally, I like to keep my entire audience entertained, but I just wanted to share with you my spiritual awakening. On the way to the moon, we listened to this:

And from it, these wise words:

People Told Me Slow My Road I’m Screaming Out Fuck Thaat
Imma Do Just What I Want Lookin’ Ahead No Turnin’ Back
If I Fall If I Die Know I Lived It To The Fullest
If I Fall If I Die Know I Lived And Missed Some Bullets

I’m On The Pursuit Of Happiness And I Know
Everything That Shines Ain’t Always Gonna Be Gold
I’ll Be Fine Once I Get It; I’ll Be Good.

Think on those & ponder. Maybe they’ll reveal their beautiful mysteries to you as well. Maybe this is my ambition throwing up the white flag, but man, I don’t know if I mind anymore. If something goes bad, I wanna know I did things my way and that I did them big. Not because I had to but because I wanted to.

Stay Tuned,


Wilson Phillips Saved My Life

June 4, 2011


The Death of a Salesman.

For all my devout readers, this is nothing new, but last summer I had a hard time finding a job. This summer, the stakes have been raised. Thankfully, I was able to find a job. But this time, at the cost of my soul.

I have just barely worked with Vector Marketing for over a week now. My (unpaid) training was last Thursday-Saturday, so technically tomorrow will be my first full week or real on-the-job working.

I hate every second of it.

Like Willy Loman, I am not well liked. The new face of Cutco, I am met by most with unwillingness to help. I get paid just to show people the stuff (not sales based), but understandably, people don’t want to even listen to my spiel. The work isn’t necessarily hard, it is just awful on the soul. I shamelessly call people and beg them to see me and then when I do I shamelessly beg them to buy something (I do get paid more if they do). Also: my nickname at the office is ‘Twilight’ (real original). Also: somehow I’m #2 in the whole office. That would be a really cool thing to brag about, but not in this situation. I’m diligently scoping out an exit strategy, finding another job so I can quit this awful soul-sucking one. So actually being somewhat good at this job makes quitting it altogether more tricky. Not that I have a lot of other leads waiting for me. Only in America would it make sense to discriminate against student workers (who would basically do anything for any money and with a lot of drive) because they aren’t a good investment. I had a particularly devastating bit of that with the Home Depot. I’m hoping I don’t run into it anymore.

So over here in my corner I’m all wahhhhh wahhhh waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh. In the other, my awesome friend Mikah Young is coming out with her first single on iTunes pretty soon.

So last night we decided to hang out after our respective jobs, she a struggling artist/cafe hostess, myself a struggling artist/door to door by-appointment salesman. We went and got pizza and caught up some more, watched an episode of Ugly Betty, and then we did something marvelous: we saw Bridesmaids.

If HP:DH Pt. 2 wasn’t coming out this summer, Bridesmaids definitely would win the cake-walk for my favorite movie of the summer. I urge all of you to see it. Not only has it been called a social responsibility to save the ‘chick flick’, but it is also hella funny and awesome. And uplifting. This might be morbid, but two nights ago in bed I had the strangest feeling in my toe, like a bug bit it. When I am tired (and also a little bit sad) I like to hyperbolize and intensify my situations. So, in my mind, my toe was bitten by a black widow spider and I had but hours to live. I had an internal struggle as to whether I should bother my parents by waking and telling them or if I should just try to sleep through my impending death. I ended up just sleeping. As I retold this to Mikah on the way to the movie, I realized how not-funny it was while I told her. Or, at least, she didn’t get the sad humor in it that I did. Not all among us are Poe’s of the world. *Edit, lo and behold, she IS a Poe

So we see the movie and it is fantastic. It was just what I needed to get me over a slump in my life. During the aforementioned Home Depot fiasco, I also had a more personal revelation that led to further unravelling after the job news was brought to me. But the movie, and more specifically Wilson Phillips, has turned me around. Look up/download the song “Hold On” by them ASAP. Not to be a spoiler or anything, but the song kind of sums up the whole message of the movie I think. And has irresistible pop hooks that sink right in. But make sure you see them in 90s hair. 90s hair Wilson Phillips is so much more awesome than Adult Contemporary Wilson Phillips any day.

That. Hat.

So, instead of dwelling on the badness, I’m going to start listening to Chyna Phillips and stop waiting around for the circumstances to change. So I have a sucky job. I’ll make a change myself and pick myself up and make it better. Or at least I’ll hold on to that hope longer before I let another black widow bite my toe in bed.

Stay Tuned,


P.S. I have been struggling in my love life between two people. To conceal their identities, they will have code-names. The first will from here on out be called Natural and Talented Actress, or as I like to say, NATA. The other will be called Jalapeno-Eating Nutmeg-Almond, or JENA. More to come on them later.

What’s My Age Again?

May 19, 2011

This is a warning: the following post may or may not be drab, unentertaining, and overdramatic. It is my best intent to avoid that, but I apologize in advance if it is.

Good evening. I’m David Sarnoff T. They say you shouldn’t tell your audience something they already know. Which is great becaise I doubt many of you have ever seen this:

Just keep that in mind for the rest of the post.

Summer is an opportunity for many to restart fresh and ready to put everything behind them in order to have a successful future. Or some people like me use summer to bum on their parent’s couch and play Wii all summer relax and recharge before whatever comes after summer.

Contrary to public belief, I plan to do many things this summer. Let’s take a look:

  • Go from X lbs. to X-30. I have to look extra hot and mysterious for new freshman to think I’m the coolest thing since Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes.
  • Get an awesome job and make $999,999,999,999,999.99. Or just like 2 Gs. But at the very least.
  • Sit down and finally finish at least a couple songs and maybe do something with them. (WTF? Since when did that happen?)
So far, I have accomplished 3+(-3) things. But then again, I’ve been home a little over a week. And each thing is kinda big, broad, and nonspecific in how to go about it.
The first is the most in my control of the three. First semester I was so paranoid of the freshman fifteen that I had a negative freshman fifteen effect, which actually was kinda nice. But then second semester hit, and not only was I trying to prove myself to others considerably less, but I also started snacking like the world was ending for various reasons. So, all in all, I had a net gain of 0. Which, by my standards, isn’t the worst I could have done. But now is the time to tackle both what I gained back and what I still need to lose from before. I work best with a specific plan of action. What have I done so far? Well, I just got a warm and inviting plate of pizza rolls out of the microwave. Don’t mind if I do….

But seriously, so far I have planned a Dreamgirls proven detox, a triathlon, and so far no fasting while singing and rapping.

As for the second, I can’t control this as much as the others. Sure, it is up to me to present myself well, but like my dad says (or, as I imagine him saying) “don’t blame the line if the fish aren’t biting, sometimes it is just the spot.” I could sit here and complain about not getting a job, but then what good would that do?  I’m hoping for this thing at the Home Depot. But really, I’ll do anything, and I mean it. ANYTHING. You know what I mean. If any of you have any leads or anything, feel more than free to let me know. It is mostly so imperative this time because I owe so much money to my mother already from various things (including my pilgrimage to the Holy Land in July), on top of the fact that college made me a free bitch baby, so I want to do a lot of other recreational things this summer. Things that cost money. That triathlon registration fee is $55 alone, and I think I should pay for some training classes as well. Gas is getting super expensive too, so getting to places more fun than here is getting harder. So the pressure is ON!

And I keep thinking that if only we were in an anarchy without money dictating what I do, none of this would be an issue and all parties would be happy. Wouldn’t that be swell. Just saying, guys…

The last thing is the hardest of the three because I have so many reservations about it. I am less relaxed in writing music than with anything else because I think I am starting to care about it more. Which is totally weird because I haven’t had any experience or talent in the craft. I have a friend who is only seventeen, but she is well on her way. You can check her out here and here. She has a single coming out soon, so check that out! I bring her up because she shows so much promise and I don’t see much of it in myself, and then the argument of  “do you do something because you love it even if you aren’t good at it?” comes to my mind and I get all sorts of conflicted and hard on myself. So I have a plan(ish). Next fall I’m going to work hard on learning to play piano. So until then, I think I’ll just keep on writing what I can. And no, none of you are allowed to read any of it. It is locked away in my password journal anyways, so good luck trying. Of course, the whole process could be expedited if I went to the X Factor auditions in Dallas next week. But until I have a clear idea of what I want to do with my life, I don’t want to close any doors. And as many as would open with an experience like that (providing I don’t end up on the loser reel), it would close me off to everything but that.

So. Much. Stuff. Is it unre

sorry, Mkgzy maddi judt jumped on thw laptop. gotta pwy ND LOVEXZAwqsdddsssssssssss

Sorry. Where was I? Oh right. Is it unrealistic to expect to accomplish all three? I mean, I am calculating it all based on relative, not absolute gains. But really. I think it would be awesome if I did. Sometimes though all I wanna do is run away from everything into the wilderness and live in a hippie commune not worrying about or answering to anything. But my friends say I should act my age.

What’s my age again?
(19, for those of you who were wondering)


Chicken and OJ

May 16, 2011

Look at what I do when you force me to be creative!!!!

oh….s*** gets done…

Sorry for never writing anything, dear readers. I’ve been doing nothing so busy since coming back to town. I’ve met with two several friends already and have submitted three countless job applications to become a productive member of society. There just isn’t enough time in the day for me to play Harry Potter video games do everything, you know? Oh, I knew you would. Thanks for being so understanding.

To be real for a quick sec, not everything that happens in my life I feel comfortable uploading to the web for all those pedos can see. I mean, at least not anymore. We all had Myspace, right?

But! Something that is fun and cool that I did was go to Austin and hit up the nightlife! Yeah, I’m so fresh AND so clean.

It all began on Friday. You gotta get down on Friday, after all. I packed up my bag, got my bowl, got cereal, picked a seat in my car (the driver’s-I’m not quite so cool to have someone rive me), and left my room a mess. I unpacked everything(-1 box) from college to get clothes for the trip and decided I could clean it all later. I still probably can wait til later. The highway wasn’t so drab. The last time I took the trek on my own, I was making $1 starring in a movie. Driving down the road gave me some flashbacks to cruisin’ at 7 AM, but this time I had better music, better clothes, and a better plan for fun.

As soon as I got to my friend’s place, we sat on the couch and started watching ANTM on Oxygen. If you don’t know that acronym, then I am very confused as to how you are the type of person that would read my blog. You know how television channels sometimes play commercials more than once? Like, they play the same ad twice? They do, I promise! Anyways, they kept showing this ad where yellow-orange liquid was being poured into what I would learn to be a sippy cup for toddlers and babies and, if you’re me, those times where you want to be lazy and fall asleep with your drink. Anyways, it ended up being about something along the lines of lead paint killing babies blah blah blah. The important this is that it made me really really want orange juice.

Later I saw a Church’s chicken ad and I knew I had to have it.

SO, as the day waned on and girl after girl was eliminated, I got really hungry for the two above things. I had already eaten my vegetables with Tonks, so by now I was really starving. I told my friend that I had to have orange juice and fried chicken and that I would settle for no alternative. Well, hunger really does things to a man and when I saw a Mongolian grill right off the bat, we stopped and ate.

We returned stuffed, satisfied, and likely catatonic in a food coma. So what did we do? We called our friend in San Antonio (whom I hadn’t seen since January) and tried to go swimming!!! The pool was closed. I wanted to go anyways, but the two of them thought it was a bad idea. Killjoys… So what did we do instead?!? We went to sleep.

The next day we woke up early and went out to do my first photo shoot with famed fashion photographer Von Tossey-Tussle. The photos are on the FB if you want to see. I’m not so self-masturbatory to post pictures of myself to my blog…… or am I?

I set that up to contradict myself and surprise you all with a picture, but when I realized how much work it would be to pull down and save and then upload the photo here, I gave up on the gag.

After that, we ate with Tonks and decided to give swimming another go. The pool was full of people at some sort of party. I can’t be sure if that was true, it is just the conclusion we came upon. So instead of swimming, we swung in our bathing suits because we are counter-culture hipsters. Then my friend was going to head out of town to see her boyfriend, but when that went through I decided that she shouldn’t waste dressing up like she did, so we went downtown instead!

6th Street culture is….well….a lot to handle. At least it was for us. We parked, ate some veggies, sprayed some good smells, and emerged into the city. We walked down the street, taking in everything and looking around. If we had tried, I think we would have been able to find some bars that we could get into or places to just sort of chill. But instead, we walked up and down only a couple times and explored the city. We got some pizza off the street, ran into the most bizarre of friends to run into, and decided to call it a night. Yeah, I’m so cool I walked up and down 6th street twice…. Hey, I like to think it was at least a good first step. Next time I might actually go in some place… I had this vision of running into someone at a bar and falling instantly in love and basing a sitcom off of how I met him, but alas, my friend had a boyfriend so that kinda stifled that dream.

And then I cam back home the next day and played LEGO: Harry Potter Years 1-4.

I still want some good fried chicken and orange juice.

Stay Tuned,